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Posted by Bruce on April 19, 2007, 4:21 am
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps
me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its
headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into
their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good
little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their
accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the
duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the
food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
"allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate
one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I
must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs. I am
convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released
– and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe. For now...
--
Bruce Fletcher
Stronsay, Orkney
show/hide quoted text
<www.stronsay.co.uk/claremont>
(Remove teeth to reply)
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Posted by Fred on April 19, 2007, 4:34 am
show/hide quoted text
> Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:
> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
> 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
> 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
> 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
> 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
> 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
> 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
> 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
> Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
> Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
> little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
> inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
> contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
> something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me
> going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again
> vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
> body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,
> since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely
> made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
> Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I
> was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
> I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
> confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
> means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in
> an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet
> as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the
> stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
> snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released –
> and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The
> bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
> regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
> arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
> For now...
> --
> Bruce Fletcher
> Stronsay, Orkney
> (Remove teeth to reply)
It is elementary my dear chap!
Dogs are like their male human owners who seldom complain.
Cats are like their female human owners - who shall I say,,,
show/hide quoted text
are Always Mift about something. <GG>
Fred
http://www.stitchaway.com
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Don't back stitch to email, just stitchit.
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Posted by Bruce on April 19, 2007, 6:39 am
Fred wrote:
show/hide quoted text
> It is elementary my dear chap!
> Dogs are like their male human owners who seldom complain.
> Cats are like their female human owners - who shall I say,,,
My wife says that dogs have owners whereas cats have staff
--
Bruce Fletcher
Stronsay, Orkney
show/hide quoted text
<www.stronsay.co.uk/claremont>
(Remove teeth to reply)
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Posted by ellice on April 19, 2007, 9:14 am
show/hide quoted text
> Fred wrote:
>> It is elementary my dear chap!
>> Dogs are like their male human owners who seldom complain.
>> Cats are like their female human owners - who shall I say,,,
>
> My wife says that dogs have owners whereas cats have staff
I prefer to think of it as dogs have family, cats have a supporting cast
upon whom they occasionally deign to bestow affection.
Ellice (who loves them both, but is really a dogs 'n horses kind of girl)
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Posted by lewmew on April 19, 2007, 9:25 am
Around our house, we have two dogs - Belle, the Border collie mix, who
us very smart, and Monte the English setter, who has a heart of gold
and a brain the size of a pea. We joke that Monte's day goes like
this:
6:40 - Wake Sam
6:42 - Nap through shower time
7:00 - Dance for walk
7:01 - Go for walk
7:02-21 - Sniff, sniff, sniff
7:22 - I see a butterfly! How wonderful!
7:23 - Eat some grass - needs ranch dressing
7:24 - I made a witticism! Time to go home!
7:30 - Nap
3:30 - Children are home - welcome them
3:32 - Go outside
3:33 - Nap. . .
5:00 - Mom is home - welcome!
5:02 - Nap
5:30 - Walk dance!
5:31 - Go for walk
532-21 - Sniff, sniff, sniff
6:00 - I see a butterfly! How wonderful!
6:01 - Eat some grass - needs ranch dressing
6:02- I made a witticism! Time to go home!
6:03 - Nap
7:00 - DINNER!
7:10 - Nap
10:00 - Outside
10:02 - Time for bed. . .
6:10 - Dinner!
You get the idea
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