OT: How fights start...

Posted by Lizzy Taylor on October 5, 2009, 8:15 am

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started.....

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is
out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started....

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my
car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds..'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started....

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place
expensive... so, I took her to a petrol (gas) station.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my
order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife was looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what
she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and wrinkled.
I could really use a compliment right now.'

I replied, 'Well, you've got perfect eyesight...'

And then the fight started

*******************************************

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she
asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I
bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

Posted by Dr. Zachary Smith on October 5, 2009, 9:19 am

show/hide quoted text

Don't get me started...

Doc

Posted by onetexsun on October 5, 2009, 10:59 pm

wrote:
show/hide quoted text

Posted by Polly Esther on October 5, 2009, 11:29 pm

I'd heard the dwarf one before but now I have a new special favorite. Oh my
how I enjoyed the one about the class reunion. That's a keeper. Thank you.
Polly

wrote:
show/hide quoted text

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