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Posted by Sarah Dixon on October 2, 2009, 3:04 am
Anne, please don't stop taking your drugs. PPd is an illness and
nothing to do with faith. Look at any other churches in your area, and
go visit them. If your vicar / friend / husband say anything tell them
that their lack of support and understanding are driving you away. Your
vicar is an idiot without a medical degree he DOES not know what he is
talking about! Faith & the church is supposed to help in times of
crisis unfortuneatley the church often seems to make things worse. Are
there any baby groups you could go to, some new friends might help you
get a different perspective. Your current friends seem to be toxic in
your current situation.
Love
Sarah
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Posted by Lizzy Taylor on October 2, 2009, 3:17 am
Anne Rogers wrote:
show/hide quoted text
> Well, I met with my pastor, my husband and a friend on Wednesday
> morning, apparently all my problems are due to my weak faith and that I
> repeat untruths to myself (curious as I rarely talk my self down and
> it's never been to do with faith). I am so hurt and there is literally
> no one to support me, my friends are the members of the church (remember
> we'll have lived in the US 3 years tomorrow).
Dear Anne,
show/hide quoted text
<climb onto soapbox>
I'm almost sorry to be rude to your pastor, but what a load of cobblers!
Only you know how strong your faith is inside you and you don't have
to wave it around like a big banner to have it. I sometimes feel that
the highly visible "faith" is very American, unlike the English Anglican
often understated type. (Sorry if I am wrong but that is making an
assumption that you are CofE)
show/hide quoted text
> Last time I had postpartum depression I kind of compartmentalised and
> faith wasn't one of the necessary compartments, but I kept going through
> the motions and everything turned out ok in the end.
>
> Now it's the completely opposite, I went to the pastor voluntarily to
> see if he could give me any help in not doing that this time and it's
> turned into my depression being non existance and my faith being weak,
> which is probably is as every time I meet with someone they tell me it
> is, keep telling me that and I'll believe it as truth, instead they tell
> me that I'm talking myself down. I rarely talk myself down, and if I do,
> it's along the lines of I'm fat (which is true), or I don't like my new
> haircut (also true).
As I said other people cannot know how your faith grows and telling you
that it is weak will not help, and is their problem that they are
pushing on to you to give them control. I hate mind control freaks who
dress it up as religion. As to weight and haircuts - well they can be
changed over time, but the weight could well be harder to deal with
while you are depressed and on your current medications. The haircut -
is the colour or the style? If it is the colour - go out and buy
something different (probably one of those wash out types to start with)
that YOU like, get a friend (or a friend's teenage daughter) to help you
apply it and ENJOY it. Tell your DH (D can stand for what you feel it
needs to) that YOU like like it and if the different hair colour bothers
him, he should have more "faith" in the inner Anne and not be swayed by
appearances.
show/hide quoted text
> Now I feel like I'm repeatedly being brought before a kangeroo court and
> being told untruths, with depression not even mentioned.
Kangaroo court is exactly what it sounds like to me and for your pastor
and husband and "friend" to take advantage of your vulnerability due to
your illness and portray it as a faith issue not and illness is
unforgiveable and a betrayal of your trust in them. You deserve and
need their support, not their condemnation.
show/hide quoted text
> I've now decided not to take my meds, maybe that will prove a point,
> I've many sleepless nights to look forward to now.
Anne, please keep on the meds, YOU know that you have a real medical
problem not a crisis of faith, whatever other people think and I really
don't want you to set yourself back and risk outsiders splitting your
family again, because they don't understand (or wish to believe) that
you have an illness.
show/hide quoted text
> I think I'd do better if I declared that I had no faith
Not true, it is obviously important to you and should bring you strength
in adversity not more worries.
show/hide quoted text
> and never went
> back to this so called church.
Now that is a much more sensible statement. Are their others in your
area? Do any of your health professionals (doctors, "shrink",
paediatrician have any contacts at other churches?) One with a mother &
baby/toddler group would be good as the chances of meeting up with
another PPD (ex-)sufferer are higher that way. Are there any PPD
support groups in your wider area?
My last church were so helpful, the
show/hide quoted text
> pastors wife was very ill with postpartum depression, a couple of years
> before me, so the pastor actually had a clue.
Get back in touch somehow - pick up the phone, drop him (and her) an
email and get some constructive support.
show/hide quoted text
<climb off soapbox>
OK I have said my piece above. Now please look after yourself and put
yourself first some of the time. Remind DH that he made vows to stand
by you "for better for worse, in sickness and in health" etc and tell
him you need his support like a trellis to help a rose grow naturally,
not to constantly be trimmed and twisted like a show specimen.
You have lots of support here on RCTQ but I am also sending this as a
email reply and my address is clear (I use plenty of filters to remove
unwanted email and am not easily offended by spam).
Hugs and warmest wishes from autumnal Lancashire (God's own county - not
that other place over the Pennines.....)
Lizzy
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Posted by Sandy on October 2, 2009, 10:36 am
show/hide quoted text
> >My last church were so helpful, the
> > pastors wife was very ill with postpartum depression, a couple of years
> > before me, so the pastor actually had a clue.
>
> Get back in touch somehow - pick up the phone, drop him (and her) an
> email and get some constructive support.
I couldn't agree more! Anne, this pastor and his "flock" seem to me to
be sadly lacking confidence in their own faith, if their only reaction
to your illness (it's a real illness, not something you've chosen to act
out!) is to tout their own faith/lack of illness. You've heard the
expression, "Methinks he doth protest too loud", haven't you? You'd be
better off with a shrink/counselor than with this "minister", who seems
to me to be anything *but* someone who ministers to your needs.
Please continue on your meds! As the others have said, you'd only be
putting yourself through a terrible ordeal if you go off them, and you
wouldn't be doing yourself or anyone else any good.
There are many couples who attend different churches; if there's one you
can be happier in, that's the one for you, whether or not your DH
attends with you.
--
Sandy in Henderson, near Las Vegas
sw.foster1 (at) gmail (dot) com (remove/change the obvious)
http://www.sandymike.net
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Posted by teleflora on October 2, 2009, 3:19 am
show/hide quoted text
> Well, I met with my pastor, my husband and a friend on Wednesday morning,
> apparently all my problems are due to my weak faith and that I repeat
> untruths to myself (curious as I rarely talk my self down and it's never
> been to do with faith). I am so hurt and there is literally no one to
> support me, my friends are the members of the church (remember we'll have
> lived in the US 3 years tomorrow).
> Last time I had postpartum depression I kind of compartmentalised and
> faith wasn't one of the necessary compartments, but I kept going through
> the motions and everything turned out ok in the end.
> Now it's the completely opposite, I went to the pastor voluntarily to see
> if he could give me any help in not doing that this time and it's turned
> into my depression being non existance and my faith being weak, which is
> probably is as every time I meet with someone they tell me it is, keep
> telling me that and I'll believe it as truth, instead they tell me that
> I'm talking myself down. I rarely talk myself down, and if I do, it's
> along the lines of I'm fat (which is true), or I don't like my new haircut
> (also true).
> Now I feel like I'm repeatedly being brought before a kangeroo court and
> being told untruths, with depression not even mentioned.
> I've now decided not to take my meds, maybe that will prove a point, I've
> many sleepless nights to look forward to now.
Anne, why one earth would you put yourself though misery to prove a point to
people who obviously care nothing about you.
Take your meds and find a new church.
Cindy
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Posted by Anne Rogers on October 2, 2009, 5:16 am
show/hide quoted text
> Anne, why one earth would you put yourself though misery to prove a point to
> people who obviously care nothing about you.
>
> Take your meds and find a new church.
I wish it were that simple, we moved here 3 years ago today (checks it's
past midnight), we decided to go to a Saturday evening service at a
church that we knew one family at (coincidencently they had been in our
church in the UK, them moved to this area, we didn't realise how close
until we started looking at maps). We got to know a lot of people who
went to that service, we'd been attracted by the children's work, so
unsurprisingly we got to know many people who had children similar ages
to us. Then this last year, this service became a church plant, though
of course we know a lot of people at the main church, particularly me,
as I participated in women's bible studies and a quilt group. My husband
has no interest in finding a new church, he doesn't recognise the harm
people have done me, he sees it as me self pitying when I try to explain
how things have harmed me. Even when we've been to the psychotherpist
together and discussed this issue, he is in completely disagreement with
even temporarily finding a new church. I don't think it would be fair
for anyone for me to go back to the old church, so I'd be left looking
for a church just me and the baby, which isn't a good situation to be
in, if it came to me deciding a really just needed a temporary break,
I'd be better off sat at home listening to a podcast of a church sermon.
Cheers
Anne
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> morning, apparently all my problems are due to my weak faith and that I
> repeat untruths to myself (curious as I rarely talk my self down and
> it's never been to do with faith). I am so hurt and there is literally
> no one to support me, my friends are the members of the church (remember
> we'll have lived in the US 3 years tomorrow).