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Posted by Anne Rogers on September 13, 2009, 4:14 pm
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> I think it is still something most people have heard of but have no idea
> of how it manifests itself, so they do not know how to handle it when a
> friend or family member is suffering from it. I have a friend who was
> hospitalised with it after the birth of each of her two children.
> However even having been treated for depression myself in the past I
> find it hard to get my mind round it being that severe.
Thankfully in the UK there are several mother and baby units for women
who need inpatient mental health care. They don't seem to exist in the
US, I think if they did, I'd gladly go in right now, though they might
not take me as I'm nowhere near as ill as when I was an inpatient after
my first was born.
Cheers
Anne
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Posted by Kate XXXXXX on September 14, 2009, 2:51 pm
Lizzy Taylor wrote:
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> Anne Rogers wrote:
>>> Unfortunately, in America, we are under-educated about it. In Europe
>>> it is a more recognized and understood condition.
>> Well, I'm from the UK and I can't honestly say my experience there was
>> much different, my parents are fairly clueless about depression. The
>> friend I'm having particular trouble with right now, lived in England
>> for a long time and a mutual friend there had very servere postpartum
>> depression. Several mutual friends here have also had issues, so it's
>> very confusing how harsh she is being right now.
>
> I think it is still something most people have heard of but have no idea
> of how it manifests itself, so they do not know how to handle it when a
> friend or family member is suffering from it. I have a friend who was
> hospitalised with it after the birth of each of her two children.
> However even having been treated for depression myself in the past I
> find it hard to get my mind round it being that severe.
It manifests in different ways with different people, and some families
cope better than others. Usually the family that copes better is one
where someone close has suffered from some form of depression.
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>
> Try not to let her pressure into moving forward faster than you are
> ready to and if something seems like a big step for you don't let her
> belittle it. She obviously really doesn't understand what you are going
> through - I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it really does,
> but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Me neither.
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>
> Hugs from over here in the UK - where the sun has finally come out for
> several days in a row!
And I missed it!
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>
> Lizzy
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!
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Posted by Sally Swindells on September 14, 2009, 7:10 pm
You should move to East Anglia like we did - the sun has only gone in
for a quick 5 minite rain shower in over a month! The grass is brown and
the soil just like dust. Even the periwinkles are shrivelling, and they
usually seem unaffected by anything.
Sally at the Seaside~~~~~~~~~~~~~uk
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sallyattheseaside/
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>> Hugs from over here in the UK - where the sun has finally come out for
>> several days in a row!
>
> And I missed it!
>> Lizzy
>
>
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Posted by Michelle C. on September 13, 2009, 1:03 pm
Anne Rogers wrote:
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>
>> Unfortunately, in America, we are under-educated about it. In Europe
>> it is a more recognized and understood condition.
>
> Well, I'm from the UK and I can't honestly say my experience there was
> much different, my parents are fairly clueless about depression. The
> friend I'm having particular trouble with right now, lived in England
> for a long time and a mutual friend there had very servere postpartum
> depression. Several mutual friends here have also had issues, so it's
> very confusing how harsh she is being right now.
>
> Cheers
> Anne
Hi Anne,
I can certainly see why you are confused and perturbed by your old
friend's behavior. I would be too.
I have two thoughts on the subject and neither may be correct, but here
they are anyway.
1. Some people when they feel helpless to help (after all there isn't
much your friend can actually "do" to "fix" your depression) get angry.
Sometimes they blame the victim. It's kind of along the lines of
those who get angry at someone they cared for who had the bad manners to
die. We know that's ludicrous, and yet it still happens.
2. My second thought is that she's gotten some very bad advice from
someone along the lines of "tough love" will force you to cope. That's
ludicrous too, but desperate people often will believe and try anything.
I don't really know if either of these applies to your friend, but I
think the bottom line right now, is that she isn't coping well with your
illness. While it may hurt, you need to stay away from her and
situations involving her. She's toxic to you at the moment.
Hugs,
Michelle in Nevada
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Posted by Anne Rogers on September 13, 2009, 4:12 pm
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> I don't really know if either of these applies to your friend, but I
> think the bottom line right now, is that she isn't coping well with your
> illness. While it may hurt, you need to stay away from her and
> situations involving her. She's toxic to you at the moment.
This would be close to impossible and by the same logic my husband is
also toxic to me at the moment as he has been demonstrating similar
behaviours and at time is seems that DH, the friend and the friend's
husband are ganging up against me.
This couple are pretty much surrogate Aunt and Uncle to my kids, we live
on the opposite side of the world to any of our biological family and I
support the relationship they have with them.
It would also mean that I couldn't go to church, which would probably be
a negative thing as that it where most of my other friends are. We've
only lived here almost 3 years and I'm slow to make friends, so alot of
them would fade if I didn't see them at church.
Church this morning was awful, I had asked my husband to always be with
me, and that I wanted to leave straight afer service, but he dawdled and
I ended up needing to feed the baby, meaning I was stuck sitting down
until almost everyone had gone. It was really obvious that everyone at
all in the know avoided talking to me, though I saw many of them go and
offer words of support to my husband. I don't deny that he needs
support, but I need it to. Many have claimed unconditional love for me,
but it's not being demonstrated right now.
Cheers
Anne
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> of how it manifests itself, so they do not know how to handle it when a
> friend or family member is suffering from it. I have a friend who was
> hospitalised with it after the birth of each of her two children.
> However even having been treated for depression myself in the past I
> find it hard to get my mind round it being that severe.